Editor's note: Sometimes I think that even though she lives half a country away, Gayle Hilligoss is looking over my shoulder—her wonderfully helpful articles always seem to speak directly to something I am either struggling with or working on—I imagine quite a few of you will share that feeling when you are finished reading this.....
Many words could be used to describe the workday of ministry assistants. Simple is not one of them.
The dilemma is you truly like to help others, to share your gifts and skills, to be involved in getting things done. And the church office, as well as your out-of-the-office life, provides many—maybe too many—opportunities. You can easily find yourself drowning in a sea of requests.
Usually it is not the valid responsibilities of the job that create waves, not your supervisor’s assignments or requests, but optional projects—nonessentials that compete with your mandatory tasks. The lifesaver for staying afloat can be found in one tiny word. That little, but powerful, word is no.
If you are one who still finds no hard to say, it is simply time to accept the truth that no one can do everything; choices must be made. For each elective demand on your time ask, “Is this the best use of my time right now?” Honest answers allow you to throw nonessentials overboard without hesitation or guilt. More than saying no to the request, you are saying yes to a higher priority.
Not all opportunities represent necessary, appropriate, or even worthwhile endeavors. Some create conflicts with previous plans or reflect others’ priorities, not yours. Some just don’t feel right for you; it is good to acknowledge when your plate is full enough.
All these, and more, are sound reasons to say no. Exercise your right to decide, “I have all I can handle now,” or “This isn’t something I choose to do.”
Calendar cramming can get to be a habit. Being asked to do lots of things often leads us to believe we are indispensable; we are not. Sometimes ego prevents our stepping back. Other times, being immersed in small busywork provides a good excuse for not giving attention to more meaningful things.
The freedom to say no doesn’t belong only to the super busy, of course. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.
When you do decide to turn down a request, do it gracefully. Briefly explain your reasons; express thanks for being asked. Don’t be ambivalent; say no, not maybe. Stringing people along is not fair to them and is a drain on your own time and energy.
In some cases, you may be able to suggest an alternative. People may ask you to perform tasks someone else could, and possibly should, do. Knowing you are not obligated to comply with every request gives you confidence to pursue the course clear to you.
The guideline that helped me most in overcoming my personal tendency to overcommit is, “Have a bigger yes burning inside.” That principle not only puts things in perspective, it is realistic.
If we are to achieve the best we can’t allow ourselves to be diverted—even by good things.
