Effective Church Communications

by Gayle Hilligoss

• Maintain your composure.
Dealing with criticism can be stressful. Sometimes the complaint is off base or is the result of a simple misunderstanding. Take a breath; stay calm. Don’t offer excuses or become defensive. Avoid attributing motives to the other person. Communicate as the professional you are, demonstrating good manners and respect.

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• Use your listening skills.
Hear the other person out. Consider what is actually being said; avoid reading into the message what is not there. The person giving the criticism may not be skilled in communication or be sensitive to your circumstances. Understanding that, put personal feelings aside and focus on the true gist of the complaint.

• Seek to understand.

Regard criticisms as directed toward your actions, not toward you. Be mature enough to understand people see things differently. Another person can be right without you being wrong.

Some criticisms are worth a lot; some are not. Consider the source and the circumstances as you evaluate what comes your way, but be receptive to the possibility the criticism is valid and constructive. Give the benefit of the doubt. Being professional is all about learning.

• Be gracious.
The person offering criticism is dissatisfied and wants you to make a change. He may expect you to not take this well. Instead, exercise your communication skills by thanking him for bringing the matter to your attention. Remain approachable. Ask any questions you have; agree on what will be done and when. Leave him with an assurance you will follow through.

• Manage the “afterwards.”
We learn from every criticism. Don’t waste your experience; find the good and use it. Did you gain new information? find new insight? grow stronger in your interpersonal skills? Maybe the lesson learned was how not to offer criticism. Invaluable!

Regardless how your encounter went, show your professionalism by keeping the conversation confidential. Strive to perform with excellence. Maintain a cordial relationship with the critic.

What happens after the criticism is even more important than what happens during.

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Click on the links below to go to the other parts of this series on Criticism

Part One, Managing Criticism, practical advice for challenging situations

Part Two, Managing Criticism: Offering Criticism

Part Three, Managing Criticism: Asking for Criticism

by Gayle Hilligoss

Expressing criticism in any situation should never be taken lightly. Once you’ve decided this is your best choice, spend some time in preparation. You want to give yourself the best opportunity to achieve your goal.

• Plan your time and place.

Approaching someone unawares is never a good idea. Thoughtfully plan a time when the other person is not under pressure and a place providing privacy. Give a heads-up that you require some time: “Could we get together for a few minutes to go over …” or “Save ten minutes for me this afternoon. Will 1:30 work?”

• Know what you are going to say. {+}

A script is neither necessary nor advised, but making notes can be helpful. Ask yourself, “What is my goal? What specifically do I want to accomplish?” Focus on the actions you want changed, not on the person: “Being at your desk on time is very important; I need you to be conscientious about that,” not “You create problems by not being on time.” Make sure nothing in your remarks is mean-spirited, abusive, or insulting.

• Be brief, specific, straightforward.

One standard technique for offering criticism is to sandwich the negative comment between two positive ones: “You’ve made some good changes in the website since last quarter. The problem is that … What I want you to do is … That will bring the website’s quality up to the same high standard as your other publications.”

The problem is, this technique may sound canned and insincere. So, use it with care and be sure you mean what you say. Never manufacture compliments to make your criticism easier to take.

A direct approach can be both professional and kind. Proceed something like: Someone has made a mistake; you want to talk about it. This is what needs to change and this is how to do it. I know I can count on you for positive results. Thanks for your cooperation in getting this done.

Because you are talking about a mistake, not an individual, no one need feel threatened. You are going to fix a problem, not a person.

Say what needs to be said. Don’t apologize for the situation. Conclude cordially. Don’t drag this out or get into a debate. Move on. Expect change.
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Click on the links below to go to the other articles on this series on Criticism