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Timely Tips for the Holidays

22 November, 2010 By grhilligoss@gmail.com Leave a Comment

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Article by Gayle Hilligoss

Editor’s note: Thanksgiving is this week and then the holiday season starts in earnest. For most of us who are involved in church responsibilities as well as family events, things won’t slow down until January (just in time to start getting ready for Easter). Gayle’s wonderful tips will help bring some joy and peace back into your holiday season.

Timely Tips for the Holidays, by Gayle Hilligoss

Your life is always busy. Then along comes the holidays and make the rest of your year seem like a vacation.

Even for those who cherish the true meaning of the season, for those whose celebrations focus on church, family, and friends, it is easy to get caught up in the rush. Suddenly days become a blur of to-do lists, projects in progress, obligations, and unfulfilled intentions. This year resolve to have truly joyful holidays—days to enjoy now and to save forever as lovely memories. Choose from these tips used by others to keep their holidays unrushed and on track.

• Put plans in writing. Take a few minutes now (even if you think you don’t have time!) and save hours later. Planning helps make holidays what you really want them to be. Make a master list today of all you want to do before the big day. Then make it friendlier with the next tip.

• Create a schedule. Work backward from the holiday filling in your planning calendar with items from your list. The schedule you’ve made is likely packed. You may trim it later, but check out the time savers here first.

• Start early. Purchase and make gifts throughout the year. Take advantage of vacation trips and bring back interesting regional items to tuck away for Christmas. Some make after-holiday shopping the start of gift buying for the next year. Choosing the right gift is more fun without the crunch.

• Use smart shortcuts. Choosing the “easy” way can allow you to do something you might have to abandon altogether otherwise. Kids will remember you made cookies together, not whether they were slices of store-bought cookie dough or your favorite recipe from scratch. Your company will remember your hospitality, not whether the menu originated in your kitchen.

• Stock up. As you prepare meals now, fix an extra for the freezer. Not having to think about what’s for dinner each evening gives you extra time to focus on special events and activities or to treat your friends to a lovely evening in your home and a delicious buffet—all prepared ahead.

• Computerize Christmas greetings. Start now to assemble a data base of those to whom you’d like to send Christmas greetings. Print transparent mailing labels or address envelopes directly now. If you choose to send cards, sign a few each day in spare moments. Or, spend an evening composing a family letter with each member contributing to the update of your year. For friends and family who enjoy e-mail, send electronic greetings. Utilize Facebook and other social networks to share pictures and news.

• Do the unconventional. Some like to distribute tasks over a wider time frame by sending cards or greetings at Thanksgiving or New Year’s rather than at Christmas. This can provide more time to add personal notes and, in the later case, allows you to include a thank you for any holiday gift.

• Trim your schedule. Give the calendar you’ve made a reality check. Identify the activities that matter the most to you and your family; those are your priorities. Use time savers to ensure these activities remain on your list. All other items can be ranked according to their importance. Scratch altogether those things you are comfortable doing without for this year.

• Appreciate simplicity. Enjoy the pictures, plans, and projects for the spectacular that fill
magazines, television, and the Internet but limit the number of our elaborate undertakings
to what you can reasonably handle with enjoyment. Simple decorations, gifts, and menus can be beautiful.

• Postpone your Thanksgiving meal. Volunteer to serve meals at a shelter or community center on the day; have your own  family dinner on Friday. Or, invite a new family in the community to share your day. Obviously, this works well at Christmas too—or any day!

• Buy or make a savings bank today. Drop in at least some loose change every day plus a self-determined weekly amount from your check. Periodically deposit your funds in an interest bearing bank account (even today’s tiny percentages add up). You’re on your way to financing next year’s holidays.

• Reserve time just for the special people in your life. On your calendar, ink in two or three blocks of time for each of your most significant others: spouse, children, parents, whomever. Plan an evening just to enjoy the tree, to sip hot chocolate and listen to carols, to make cookies, whatever brings you close.

• Live in the real world. People’s personalities and habits don’t change just because it’s Christmas. When making plans and tailoring your holiday activities, you can stretch a bit (maybe your husband will go to see the Nutcracker Suite?) but be realistic.

• Devise a numbering system if you have gift snoopers in your house. Instead of using names on your gift list, use numbers. The master list is in a safe place known only to you. When you come home with gifts, wrap them immediately and put only the number on the gift tag. Even if snoopers find your hiding place, even when gifts are under the tree, they can’t be sure which gifts are theirs—until you break the code.

• Keep a notebook handy to jot down gift ideas starting now. A small notepad with a spiral binding works great. Make a page for each person on your gift list. As you get ideas, jot them down. List several ideas for each person; when you get ready to buy you can choose what you like best. When children ask for ideas for Dad, share ideas from your list. Make a page for yourself too; when someone asks, “What would you like for Christmas?,” you will have some good answers.

• Give gifts from the past. Nostalgia and the holidays so go together. List in hand, visit an antique mall or flea market. Start someone off on a fun collection of vintage games, green handled kitchen utensils, old medicine tins, ornaments, tools—the possibilities are endless.

• Say why. Do more than say, “I love you.” Tell the someone why: I love you because you make me laugh, because you keep the yard so pretty, because you like my cooking…

• Cook a family meal together. Everyone makes a favorite dish. Get out the best china and silver, light candles, enjoy

Some special tips, just for you.

Over-focusing on responsibilities, tasks, chores, and pressures is especially common during the holidays. Often “you” is who gets lost in the process. As a result, all that running, all that concern, has no positive payoff. Instead of the blessed time you hoped for, the holidays become a stressed time of bad tempers and tired tootsies.

Some ideas for a more tranquil season—

• Be your own guest. Deck out your room as you do your guest room: flowers on the nightstand, fresh fruit in a pretty bowl, a stack of interesting books, fragrance on crisp sheets, soft music in the background.

• Get comfy. Take a few minutes for yourself when you get home from work to slip into something soft, cozy, and comfortable. Remove your makeup and smooth on a favorite face cream. Look good; feel good.

• Pretend you are at a spa. Relax at the end of your day with a leisurely soak in a tub of bubbles or bath oil. Light a few candles, wind up a music box, meditate and count your blessings.

• Take shopping breaks. Rather than shopping until you drop, schedule a little break every hour or so. Rest, regroup, and treat yourself to your favorite energy food (say cappuccino and a cookie). A little pampering can be good for us.

• Shop online. It has never been easier to purchase every gift on your list without going within miles of a mall. You might even choose the same category of gift for everyone: book, sweater, slippers, CD, video, cosmetics, candles, foodstuffs. One website and you’re done!

May you enjoy the most blessed of holidays.

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Filed Under: Christmas, Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, Contributors, Seasonal, Seasonal communication strategies, Thanksgiving Tagged With: Christmas time savers, church office organization, Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, timely tips

Put some calm in your holidays

11 November, 2010 By grhilligoss@gmail.com Leave a Comment

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Article by Gayle Hilligoss

Ed. note:  How sad it is that the simple celebration of thankfulness and the birth of our Savior have been transformed into a time of frantic expectations. Gayle Hilligoss provides some great advice on how to restore peace to the celebration of the Prince of Peace.

The comparison hit home with several office professionals enjoying a fall luncheon. “During the holidays I feel like I’m trapped in a snow globe of to-do lists,” remarked a longtime administrative assistant. Her table mates nodded. Each one knew well the sensation of having scores of demands swirling about her.

Conversation turned to ways they might weather the storm better this year. All agreed trimming tasks would be a challenge, but could be done. Some said they had already made strides toward maintaining saner holiday schedules and were anxious to explore even more ideas.

"To me, attitude is the key,” offered a pastor’s assistant who shared her positive experiences over the past few years. “I had to get over the idea holidays should be all hurry-scurry. What I discovered was that real blessings of the season are missed when every minute is packed with activities—even if they are good activities.”

Another reformed over-achiever noted, “The best thing I did was to take control of my personal  agenda. When I quit trying to bake every cookie, make every decoration, and maintain every family tradition, I found the time and energy to actually focus on the reason for the season.”

• Make two lists of goals, one for work and one for home.
It may seem like a paradox, but making these two important lists now prevents the  need to make lots of trivial lists later. Decide what you want to achieve during the vital weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. About each task ask, “Is this worth my time and effort? and “Is there an easier way to do this?” Be selective; list only those activities and achievements that truly matter to you. Fun is important. Schedule some!

• Trim your calendar.
Pitch all but what really counts toward a meaningful holiday experience. Save optional jobs and appointments for another time. (I routinely schedule annual checkups for October to have that all done before holiday time; when Halloween candy hits the shelves, I hit my appointment book.) Avoid taking on projects and plans that steer you away from your stated holiday goals. Don’t waste any of this special time doing what can be done later—or not at all.

• Protect your personal time.
All year around, and especially during the holidays, give yourself daily or at least weekly private time to relax and refresh. Do what you like—walk, exercise, read, take a class, enjoy a hobby. Or do nothing at all. But, do keep this appointment with yourself.

• Forget about being a perfectionist.
Nothing paralyzes accomplishment, saps joy from achievement, and undermines good intentions like the irrational drive to be perfect. It is vital to know when to say, “This is good. Time to move on.”

• Be realistic in your expectations.
Memories, not to mention a plethora of magazines, can create an unreasonable scenario of what the holidays should be. The church offers many opportunities to celebrate Christ’s birth, the community presents scores of ways to share with others. No time of year has more to live up to. Stay grounded. Kids will still be kids. People can still be inconsiderate. Time and energy constraints hang on. Problems won’t solve themselves. The computer can still crash. Life goes on.

Nevertheless, expect blessings. They are there to be claimed. Enjoy!

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Filed Under: Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, Contributors

How and why to leave the office on time, part one

10 October, 2010 By grhilligoss@gmail.com Leave a Comment

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Article by Gayle Hilligoss

Ed note: Gayle sent this introductory note with the article and I couldn't think of a better way to introduce the article: "My feedback from secretary friends reminds me that October is the start of so many things in the church office and the beginning of serious holiday planning. So I thought this article on avoiding/correcting burnout might be timely." How right she is—read on for ways to keep your sanity and joy in ministry  in the upcoming challenging times.


Pat is the assistant at First Church, a fast growing suburban congregation. After several routine jobs in large offices, she is delighted at the opportunity to manage on her own. The staff consists of the pastor, a part-time music director and Pat. Since she and her family are members, nearly everyone at First Church knows Pat. She quickly establishes herself as the one to call for information, help, or a listening ear.

As the congregation grows, so does Pat’s workload. Believing people are counting on her, she becomes reluctant to leave the office with any task undone. Staying late seems the logical solution.

Though she doesn’t feel good about letting things slip at home, she tells herself:

• The work is important; she owes it to the church to get it done.

• Her family will understand.

• Tasks are almost caught up; once they are, she won’t let them get piled up again.

The facts are:

• The work is important, but it is not the only important thing in Pat’s life. Nor is the work totally her responsibility. What she owes the church is her best effort during the agreed upon hours to do the tasks she was hired to do.

• Her family does understand—up to a point. Beyond that they see the disruptions in their lives as an unnecessary result of Pat’s over commitment to her work. They begin to question her motives. Does she stay busy at work so she legitimately won’t have time to do things at home?

• Pat may get things caught up, but it is unrealistic to believe they will stay that way. The nature of ministry is such that you never reach a point where there is no more to do, a point where if you stayed an extra hour you could find nothing to work on. To believe you must be absolutely finished before you leave each afternoon is to put yourself on an unproductive treadmill that will sap the joy from your service.

Pat discovers the more she does, the more there is to do. Staying late becomes the norm. Little by little the ordinary feeling of overwork everyone experiences from time to time becomes chronic with Pat. She finds herself crashing on the weekend and still not feeling refreshed for the week ahead. Problems begin invading Pat’s life. Unwilling to believe any are self-inflicted, Pat often feels helpless and misunderstood. Her body sends warning signals: frequent headaches, inability to concentrate, a loss of sense of humor. In spite of her physical and mental weariness, Pat does not sleep well.

Ignoring the seriousness of her situation and convinced she is only displaying an appropriate dedication to her job, she believes people should appreciate her efforts, not question them. Pat cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel, but it never occurs to her that it is because she is headed in the wrong direction. Letting go seems a more difficult option than hanging on. But a second year of unrelenting demands leaves Pat feeling totally disillusioned. A minor incident is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Pat decides not only to leave her job but to leave the church.

The leaving is not pleasant. The problems are serious.

Pat is experiencing burnout.

Her situation is not unique; burnout is an occupational hazard to which every Christian professional is exposed and to which many succumb—needlessly. Like Pat’s, most burnout could be avoided altogether.

At least six classic factors—all of which can be avoided—played a part in Pat’s experience. If you have been in Christian service any time at all some may seem too familiar.

• Unrealistic job expectations
Having no previous exposure to the administrative side of church life, Pat had an idealistic image of what being a ministry assistant is all about. She rightly perceived the work as ministry but mistakenly expected that ministry would always be interesting, challenging, have plenty of variety, and most of all, be appreciated.

She discovered ministry is sometimes none of the above. Ministry can mean doing the uninteresting, but necessary, things. Ministry can be far more frustrating than challenging. It is not easy to see the spiritual significance of stuffing 500 envelopes or bundling bulk mail, but that may be what ministry demands of you today.

• Unrealistic self expectations
Not only did Pat expect more from her job than it could deliver, she expected more from herself than she could deliver. In her enthusiasm to serve others Pat set standards in her quality and quantity of work that were simply impossible to meet. Striving to do everything for everybody Pat began to take herself too seriously. Placing such high expectations on herself caused Pat to give tasks way more time and effort than they were worth.

• Job saturation
Commitment to one’s work is commendable; over commitment is dangerous. You cross the line when work monopolizes your life and saturates every area of it—not with joy but with anxiety and pressure to do more faster.

Family life, friends and personal interests all disappeared as Pat obsessively gave all her time, energy and effort to her work. She could not separate her personality from her performance. Only if she did well at work did she have a feeling of self worth. Pat became her job. She was no longer herself but “The Ministry Assistant.”

• Taking on the responsibilities of others
By filling the role of rescuer to staff members Pat began to feel indispensable. She believed unless she picked up the slack for others they would not get the work done. Pat failed to realize that by permitting others to rely on her to follow through on their work, she promoted their dependence on her—and did them no real service.

• Unexamined habits
Any time you start a behavior it can easily become habitual. Because habits control as much as eighty percent of what you do, examine yours often to make sure they are serving you well. Once Pat began taking on more responsibilities than she could reasonably handle, over committing soon became a habit. Though intended only as a temporary action, given a little time, staying late became habitual as well.

If you act a certain way long enough it is difficult to change—even if you want to.

• A final factor contributing to burnout is an unhealthy desire to please.
Pat came to the church office with two misconceptions that shaped her work style.

First, she believed her job was to please everyone—which was, of course, clearly impossible. And second, she believed members and staff would openly and often express gratitude for her efforts—which didn’t prove to be the case. Wanting affirmation of others’ approval, Pat was reluctant to say no and endlessly rearranged her schedule to accommodate others. She refused to risk anyone’s displeasure by requesting help, delegating responsibilities, or taking advantage of training resources which would have pointed her in a more productive direction. Unintentionally, but effectively, Pat has set herself up for the burnout she is experiencing. Had she been forewarned she could have avoided every one of these traps.

You can learn from Pat’s experience. Think about the factors sparking her burnout as you  examine your own life—especially if you are beginning to feel a little singed around the edges yourself.

Part two of this article (notification of its publication will be  in our next newsletter) will tell you how to avoid burnout.

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Filed Under: Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, Contributors

How and why to leave the office on time, part two, Plus tips on how to avoid church office burnout

9 October, 2010 By grhilligoss@gmail.com 2 Comments

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Article by Gayle Hilligoss

Ed. Note: The first part of this article is available if you click here. It started out describing the situation many in the church office know well—caring so much about your work you are working to the point of burnout. This second part of the article tells what to do about it.

An early clue to burnout is the tendency to take yourself too seriously.

Losing the ability to laugh, especially at yourself, is a good sign all is not well. Actually, others may see signs of your burnout even before you do. But if they suggest you ease up, you will find it easy to justify your long hours. You may see others as not as dedicated as you and manufacture a whole list of “Yes, but’s:

“Yes, but if I don’t stay I will think about this work all night.”

“Yes, but if I don’t do this, no one else will.”

“Yes, but unless I stay I will be more behind tomorrow.”

Commitment is a good thing, but even good things need to be kept in proper perspective. The Christian professional’s commitment should be to God, not just to her work. God would not have you neglect your home, family, friends and self. In the long run over commitment will not enhance your service but hinder it, perhaps end it.

Often we think turning problems around calls for drastic adjustments. Sometimes remedies look so difficult we do nothing when, as a matter of fact, we could make small changes and achieve big results.

Putting these three practical steps to work will allow you to get out of the office on time—and feel good about it.

First, set realistic goals.

To succeed as a Christian professional you must acknowledge you cannot do everything. Focus on doing the most important things. Some of those “most important things” are outside the office!

A key question to ask yourself is, “What do I want to achieve through my work?”

Dream on paper. What does your perfect work week look like? How do you spend your time during and after work? How do you relate with others? How does your office look? How do you look? Think of someone who has achieved the working style you would like and use her as your role model.

Identifying the kind of assistant you want to be helps keep your life in balance. Pat never would have chosen as a role model someone as enslaved to her work as she was herself. She had no clear picture of what she wanted to achieve and therefore no clear sense of priorities.

Once you know where you want to go, use your favorite planning tool to help you get there. As you schedule each day’s activities keep clearly in mind: the total number of hours available each day, and the amount of time each task will take. Use your priority system to keep you on track. All things are not of equal importance. Remind yourself often: your goal is not to do everything but to do the most important things.

Keep a to-do list as a guide. When asked to take on a task, check your list. Agreeing to a task not only pledges your energy but your time. You must realistically avoid the trap of making more promises than you have time to keep.

Put activities on your list that move you toward your ideal work style. Promise yourself to come to work on time, take a lunch hour and breaks, and leave on time. Always give an honest day’s work so you need never feel guilty, regardless of what remains at the end of the day. Be too sharp to believe you can keep ahead of the workload by putting in extra hours several nights a week.

If you have established a pattern of over commitment, people already take it for granted you will get the work done regardless of the extra hours required, the lack of adequate equipment, the continuing need for more help.

You can break the cycle by initiating your own changes, but it may also help to talk with your supervisor. If that seems a good move, explain your need to create a better balance in your life. Give your pledge of excellence and share your plans for constructive changes in your work style.

The second step to get you out of the office on time is to begin winding down about half an hour before time to leave.

Make this your regular “wrap up and plan for tomorrow time.” Even for the most effective time manager there will always be “just one more thing.”

Set a specific time to tie up loose ends and determine what will be on the agenda for tomorrow. Commit any unfinished tasks to your planner and park them there overnight. Just before you leave the office each afternoon, praise God for what was accomplished. Congratulate yourself on a job well done. As you turn off the office lights visualize turning off all thoughts of the office until tomorrow; turn your thoughts toward home.

And finally, get out of the office on time by having a pleasant experience waiting for you after work.

Shift your thinking so you see the end of the work day not as leaving something but as going to something. Within the framework of what is possible for you, give yourself some freedom in choosing after-work activities.

Sandy likes coming home to a bubble bath and good music. Ann spends her evenings sewing for her grandchildren. Roxanne has teenagers, so she plans many of her evenings around their activities. Nancy belongs to a health spa and goes there directly from work several evenings a week to swim and exercise. Shirley enjoys coming home to her yard and garden.

It is easy to get so wrapped up in making a living that you neglect to make a life, so busy doing good things that you pass by the better things. Building a rewarding life beyond the office is one of the best things you can do for yourself and for those you serve.

No one should presume to tell you how many hours to work or how to demonstrate your commitment. You decide those things. My point is that “hours worked” are not the best measure of one’s dedication. To a far greater extent than most of use care to admit, we make the choices determining our quality of life. You know the consequences of over extending yourself. You can make choices to bring your life more into balance.

The rewards of leaving the office on time are impressive—for you and your work:

You will feel and be more in control. Once you have a realistic sense of what you want to achieve, you can give up trying to be a cross between Wonder Woman and Dear Abby. Instead of being pulled in a hundred directions you can set firm goals and work toward them. You can accept your own limitations and relax. Make up your mind once, instead of deciding every afternoon, you will leave the office on time. Having that question settled is absolutely liberating!

You will accomplish more in less time. Of all our resources, we tend to misuse time more than any other. Once you determine you will only be in the office a set number of hours, you become much more aware of how valuable your time is. You spend your minutes more wisely.

Your weekly plans keep priorities in view and help you say no to tasks that would keep you from your goals. “Discipline,” wrote Bill Vaughn, “is like broccoli. We may not care for it ourselves, but feel sure it would be good for everybody else.” Ordering your day will take some discipline, but you can do it.

The real reason for not doing so many things is not too little time, but too many excuses. Once we give up the excuses, there is room in our lives for all the things that really matter: family, friends, church, community, and self. Balanced living not only can add more years to your life, but more life to your years.

Each day do these four things:

• Spend time in prayer and in the Word.
• Move yourself closer to one of your goals.
• Perform a random act of kindness.
• Do something nice for yourself.

An added advantage to leaving the office on time—it gives you greater longevity in your work. Food for thought: How would you treat your car if you knew it was the only one you would ever have? How do you treat yourself knowing you are the only “you” you will ever have? Pace yourself, take time to refuel your body and spirit, do proper maintenance.

You can avoid a major overhaul and be around long enough to become a beautiful classic!

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Filed Under: Columnist Gayle Hilligoss Tagged With: church burnout, church office skills, Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, free church communications, time management

Staying afloat in a sea of requests

29 September, 2010 By grhilligoss@gmail.com 2 Comments

Gayle Hilligoss PictureEditor's note: Sometimes I think that even though she lives half a country away, Gayle Hilligoss is looking over my shoulder—her wonderfully helpful articles always seem to speak directly to something I am either struggling with or working on—I imagine quite a few of you will share that feeling when you are finished reading this.....

Many words could be used to describe the workday of ministry assistants. Simple is not one of them.

The dilemma is you truly like to help others, to share your gifts and skills, to be involved in getting things done. And the church office, as well as your out-of-the-office life, provides many—maybe too many—opportunities. You can easily find yourself drowning in a sea of requests.

Usually it is not the valid responsibilities of the job that create waves, not your supervisor’s  assignments or requests, but optional projects—nonessentials that compete with your mandatory tasks. The lifesaver for staying afloat can be found in one tiny word. That little, but powerful, word is no.

If you are one who still finds no hard to say, it is simply time to accept the truth that no one can do everything; choices must be made. For each elective demand on your time ask, “Is this the best use of my time right now?” Honest answers allow you to throw nonessentials overboard without hesitation or guilt. More than saying no to the request, you are saying yes to a higher priority.

Not all opportunities represent necessary, appropriate, or even worthwhile endeavors. Some create conflicts with previous plans or reflect others’ priorities, not yours. Some just don’t feel right for you; it is good to acknowledge when your plate is full enough.

All these, and more, are sound reasons to say no. Exercise your right to decide, “I have all I can handle now,” or “This isn’t something I choose to do.”

Calendar cramming can get to be a habit. Being asked to do lots of things often leads us to believe we are indispensable; we are not. Sometimes ego prevents our stepping back. Other times, being immersed in small busywork provides a good excuse for not giving attention to more meaningful things.

The freedom to say no doesn’t belong only to the super busy, of course. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.

When you do decide to turn down a request, do it gracefully. Briefly explain your reasons; express thanks for being asked. Don’t be ambivalent; say no, not maybe. Stringing people along is not fair to them and is a drain on your own time and energy.

In some cases, you may be able to suggest an alternative. People may ask you to perform tasks someone else could, and possibly should, do. Knowing you are not obligated to comply with every request gives you confidence to pursue the course clear to you.

The guideline that helped me most in overcoming my personal tendency to overcommit is, “Have a bigger yes burning inside.” That principle not only puts things in perspective, it is realistic.

If we are to achieve the best we can’t allow ourselves to be diverted—even by good things.

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Filed Under: Church Office Skills, Columnist Gayle Hilligoss Tagged With: church office advice, Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, say no, time management, wise use of time

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