Gayle Hilligoss, our expert columnist on the practical skills needed for church communicators has given us a 4-part series on how to handle criticism in the church office. Before reading, you may wonder if there is ever a place for criticism in the church office? This article will show you the one legitimate reason for it.

Part One: Introduction

“I thought I came to the church office with all the skills needed for the job. It never crossed my mind that managing criticism would be a necessary communication tool. But it is!”

On survey responses and in seminars, ministry assistants often express similar experiences. Precisely because it is generally presumed most members and staff are thoughtful and positive, an assistant may come to a church position unprepared to either give or receive criticism constructively.

We know everyone likes applause—and we would rather be encouragers than critics. Dealing with conflict can be hurtful. Isn’t there a way to simply avoid it? We could just ignore whatever bothers us. And hope others do likewise.

Not a good idea. Even if it could happen. Sometimes there is a place for criticism. Properly managed by a skilled communicator it can even be productive

Before Offering Criticism, ask yourself: What do I want to change?
The only legitimate reason to offer criticism is to initiate positive change. Criticism should never be offered just to express displeasure or to show superiority. It must not be used simply to express what you like or what you don’t like, what you think is right or wrong. If you can’t identify the specific result you hope to achieve, if you only want to find fault, you are not ready to confront another person.

• Can this behavior be changed?
Is the person capable of change? Is the change you want realistic? Some people are routinely sure they are right. Always. Regardless of how you approach them, they react by becoming defensive, angry, or distressed. When considering a dialogue, factor in personality. Unless the possibility of improvement exists, there is no valid reason to offer criticism. The good news is change is nearly always possible.

• What do I want this to accomplish for me/us?
Criticism can be extremely destructive unless handled well. Will offering this criticism increase your ability to work together well in the future? Perhaps. You may be able to show your coworker a more effective way to accomplish a task. You may alert her to behavior that will cause problems with a staff member. Done thoughtfully, criticism can be a catalyst for better teamwork. Keep your motives pure. If you seriously question whether you should confront, wait.

• Is the process worth the effort?
Is straightening this out really important? Is it necessary to correct this behavior? Choose carefully what you take on. The words of habitual critics don’t carry much weight: Who can please her? Hold yourself to such a high standard that when you do offer criticism it is taken seriously—and respected. Not every irritation warrants correction.

• How would I feel if our roles were reversed?
If you were on the receiving end of this criticism, would you consider it valid? How would you want it offered so it wouldn’t come across as an attack, as harsh or unkind?

Express empathy with the other person. Never give criticism in public or at a time the person is particularly vulnerable. Criticisms should be in person—not by email, note, text, or phone. Just as important as what you say is how you say it.

• Is there a better option?
Having determined that change is the goal, would providing a resource or training work better than criticism? Would positive reinforcement—praising good work—set the stage for meaningful conversation? Could setting an example accomplish the desired results?

Consider your options. Be creative. Understanding the situation and the person enables you to choose the smart approach.

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The remainder of the articles are available to Effective Church Communication members. If you are not a member, one of the best investments you can make in your skills training and your service to your church or ministry is to become a member. Click here for more information.

Part Two, Managing Criticism: Offering Criticism

Part Three, Managing Criticism: Asking for Criticism

Part Four, Managing Criticism: Responding to Criticism

by Gayle Hilligoss

• Maintain your composure.
Dealing with criticism can be stressful. Sometimes the complaint is off base or is the result of a simple misunderstanding. Take a breath; stay calm. Don’t offer excuses or become defensive. Avoid attributing motives to the other person. Communicate as the professional you are, demonstrating good manners and respect.

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• Use your listening skills.
Hear the other person out. Consider what is actually being said; avoid reading into the message what is not there. The person giving the criticism may not be skilled in communication or be sensitive to your circumstances. Understanding that, put personal feelings aside and focus on the true gist of the complaint.

• Seek to understand.

Regard criticisms as directed toward your actions, not toward you. Be mature enough to understand people see things differently. Another person can be right without you being wrong.

Some criticisms are worth a lot; some are not. Consider the source and the circumstances as you evaluate what comes your way, but be receptive to the possibility the criticism is valid and constructive. Give the benefit of the doubt. Being professional is all about learning.

• Be gracious.
The person offering criticism is dissatisfied and wants you to make a change. He may expect you to not take this well. Instead, exercise your communication skills by thanking him for bringing the matter to your attention. Remain approachable. Ask any questions you have; agree on what will be done and when. Leave him with an assurance you will follow through.

• Manage the “afterwards.”
We learn from every criticism. Don’t waste your experience; find the good and use it. Did you gain new information? find new insight? grow stronger in your interpersonal skills? Maybe the lesson learned was how not to offer criticism. Invaluable!

Regardless how your encounter went, show your professionalism by keeping the conversation confidential. Strive to perform with excellence. Maintain a cordial relationship with the critic.

What happens after the criticism is even more important than what happens during.

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Click on the links below to go to the other parts of this series on Criticism

Part One, Managing Criticism, practical advice for challenging situations

Part Two, Managing Criticism: Offering Criticism

Part Three, Managing Criticism: Asking for Criticism