Effective Church Communications

Effective Church Communications provides Timeless Strategy and Biblical Inspiration to help churches create communications that fully fulfill the Great Commission

Effective Church Communications provides Timeless Strategy and a Biblical Perspective to help churches create communications that fully fulfill the Great Commission. Our tools constantly change; our task doesn’t; we can help.
  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • BLOG
  • PODCAST
  • FREE PRINT TEMPLATES

Giving emotional first aid and what to do when people need more than you can give

15 May, 2012 By grhilligoss@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Gayle Hilligoss Picture
Article by Gayle Hilligoss

Ed. note: Work in the church office is always challenging, but sometimes, what is needed in the church office goes way beyond your job description. When people come in with hurting hearts, Gayle Hilligoss has some wise and practical advice. At the end of the article is a description about and a link to the Stephen's Ministry, if you find your church needs more help in helping others.

“People wanting ‘counseling’ from the secretary became a problem when our pastor had a heart attack several years ago,” wrote a ministry assistant. “At first I was upset; I had no training in counseling. Then I realized people didn’t really want advice, but simply someone to talk to. The best thing I could do was listen. And, to keep the conversation confidential.”

While most people have occasional opportunities to offer comfort to others, the Christian professional may daily encounter people who are hurting. Secretaries need to be very cautious about overstepping their roles. We are not counselors and should never assume those responsibilities. But, if within the scope of your work you are faced a need, with a caring heart and a few basic techniques you can give constructive emotional first aid.

• Really listen. Listening is more than hearing a person out. An effective listener does not preach, scold, interrupt, analyze, judge, or show impatience. As you listen, acknowledge what you are hearing by nodding or saying “I understand” or the like. Give the person your full attention. Maintain eye contact.

• Express empathy. The hurting person is anxious for someone to understand her pain. “I know how you must feel” or similar phrases can be helpful—if you can truly relate to the situation. Sometimes sharing a problem allows the person to face her situation more realistically. Once faced, the hurt can begin to heal. Avoid becoming emotionally involved yourself. Your purpose is to minister, not to take on the problem as your own.

• Never minimize. The hurt may not seem like much to you, but to the person experiencing it the pain is real. Telling about your own or someone else’s bigger problem is never helpful. Avoid “It’s really not that important” or “Why let it get to you?” Ultimately the person must assess the situation for herself.

• Don’t awfulize. Just as you should not make light of a situation, avoid making the problem bigger than it really is. Don’t give opinions regarding others who are involved in the problem: “You’re right. Joe is a terrible husband. I don’t know how you’ve put up with ...”

• If I were you ...  Never let those words cross your lips. Don’t make suggestions or affirm the intentions of others: “Yes, it’s a good idea to tell Joe ...” It is not necessary, nor your responsibility, to come up with solutions.

• Ask constructive questions. The goal of emotional first aid is to help people formulate their own solutions to their problems. You can ask leading questions to point people toward answers: “What are your options?” or “Do you know about our support group?”

• Point others toward prayer. Assure your troubled friend that if she needs someone to talk to, you are there for her. Once the problem is shared, encourage her to turn it over to God. Give assurance that while you don’t know the answers, God does. Close your conversation by praying together. You have offered first aid; God will do the healing.

______________________________________

If more is needed, consider the Stephen's ministry:

From many years of seeing this ministry at work in many churches where I did seminars. My church has recently started a program--we are a small church and have had to cut back on staff because of big financial challenges, but with the Stephen's Ministry we don't have to cut back on caring for people.

The best way to explain them is to let their website explain them:

What Is Stephen Ministry?

The Stephen Series, also called "Stephen Ministry," provides congregations with the training, resources, and ongoing support to organize and equip a team of lay caregivers--called Stephen Ministers--in the congregation.

Stephen Ministers provide high-quality, confidential, Christ-centered care and support to people experiencing grief, divorce, cancer, job loss, loneliness, disability, relocation, and other life difficulties.

Since 1975, the Stephen Ministries organization, based in St. Louis, Missouri, has helped more than 11,000 congregations implement Stephen Ministry. These congregations represent more than 150 denominations and come from all 50 states, 10 Canadian provinces, and 23 other countries.

The Stephen Ministry Difference

With Stephen Ministry--

  • Pastors don't carry the burden of being the congregation's sole caregivers. They have a team of gifted, trained, committed lay caregivers ready to minister to hurting people inside and outside the congregation.
  • Laypeople have a chance to use and strengthen their leadership and caregiving gifts in meaningful ministry--serving others while experiencing tremendous spiritual growth.
  • People who are hurting no longer suffer alone. A caring Christian friend comes alongside them to provide emotional and spiritual care for as long as the need persists.
  • Congregations have a practical, powerful way to:
    • "Equip God's people for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ." (Ephesians 4:12)
    • "Love one another as I have loved you." (John 13:34)
    • "Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)
    • "Go make disciples." (Matthew 28:19)

For more information, go to: http://www.stephenministries.org/

 

 

Share this:

  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Tweet
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) WhatsApp
  • Pocket
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Share on Tumblr

Filed Under: Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, Contributors Tagged With: church office, counseling in the church office, Listening Skills

Be a better listener, part one: Mastering the Most Overlooked Communication Skill

25 April, 2011 By grhilligoss@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Gayle Hilligoss Picture
Article by Gayle Hilligoss

Ed. note: this week celebrates Administrative Assistants and this series of articles gives some of the best advice possible for good working relationships. Without listening, it's hard for anything constructive to take place in the church office—give yourself a gift—read all three parts as they are posted, and learn to listen well.

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I said.”

This classic statement proves the point: communication is not easy.

Listening and hearing are not the same.

Americans spend at least 80 percent of their waking hours communicating—speaking, listening, texting, emailing, reading, and writing. The form your communication takes varies, of course, depending on your lifestyle, but a common rule of thumb says that on average 9 percent of our communicating is done by writing, 16 percent by reading, 30 percent by speaking, and 45 percent by listening. Factoring in email, tweets, and instant messaging, we might adjust the percentages a bit, but taking in information (listening in one form or another) still takes the lion’s share of communication time.

Verbal skills enabling you to express yourself and get your point across are vital to your ability to do your work well. But equally important for the Christian professional— perhaps even more important—are listening skills. Every day you have an opportunity to work better, serve better, minister better by listening better.

The idea of listening as an acquired skill may be unfamiliar. Many think of listening and hearing as the same. Not so. You can hear and never really listen. Hearing is entirely passive; listening is an active process.

Often the more you hear, the less you listen. You are inundated with noise and messages every day. You are aware of the sound. Though you may not even try to comprehend what is being said, though you learn to filter out much of the noise around you, you hear it. In fact, you may become so used to filtering out sounds that even when you try to listen, you cannot. Listening, unlike hearing, is a skill that requires understanding and grasping the idea. Listening gives meaning to the sounds you hear. Because few of us have been trained how to listen, most of us are rather poor at it.

But you can master the art of listening, our most neglected communication skill.

Three levels of listening

You learn to become a good listener the same way you learn to become a good speaker: discover the system and practice. Just as some speakers are better than others, some listeners are better than others. Similarly, as a speaker your performance will vary. Your performance as a listener can vary too.

Each of us listens on at least three different levels, each requiring a higher degree of concentration and sensitivity. You may use all three levels during the course of the day.

At the first level, marginal listening, little real understanding occurs because you are preoccupied with your own thoughts. You tune in and out, following the discussion just enough to get the gist of it. A speaker generally knows when the marginal listener is not paying attention.

At the second level, evaluative listening, understanding is superficial. You stay emotionally detached, and do not actively participate in the communication. You ask no questions and give no feedback. You may even fake attention while really concentrating on what you want to say when the speaker is finished.

The third and most effective level is active listening. The active listener is sensitive to the meaning behind the speaker’s words. You are totally attentive, watching for overtones and body language. You show both verbally and non-verbally that you are there for the speaker. This active listening behavior is known as “attending.” Attending is one of the biggest compliments you can give as a listener.

Little instruction in listening
When it comes to teaching communication skills, schools traditionally concentrate on reading and writing. Some instruction is directed toward verbal skills, but virtually no instruction is given in listening, the skill we actually use most in life. As a result, the average adult listens at no better than 25 percent efficiency.

One obvious difference between written and verbal messages is that if you do not understand or remember a written message, you can go back to it later. It is permanent. But, usually, what you hear is fleeting; either you get the message right, remember or note it, or it is gone. Retention is essential.

We don’t do so well, despite the fact listening as a way of taking in information is used far more often than reading. Immediately after listening to a ten-minute presentation, the average person understands and remembers only about half of what was said. After 48 hours less than 25 percent is remembered. Perhaps this is to be expected in a society that places tremendous value on speaking and seldom recognizes the value of listening. People who speak out are generally seen as assertive, capable, and in control—even if what they say is of little value. The quiet listeners, on the other hand, may be perceived as lacking in confidence. Yet, it is often the listeners who have the best grasp of situations and a greater insight into possible solutions.

Becoming an active listener involves sharpening your ability to understand, evaluate, and respond to what you hear. The single most important element in your ability to do these things is not intellect but attitude. You must realize the importance of listening, want to improve your skills, and believe that you can.

_______________________________

Series of the Three Articles on Be a Better Listener by Gayle Hilligoss

Click on any of the links to go to the article:
Be a better listener, part one: Mastering the Most Overlooked Communication Skill by Gayle Hilligoss

Be a better listener, part two: AIM, the three significant aspects of listening by Gayle Hilligoss

Be a better listener, part three: Ten techniques you can start to use now by Gayle Hilligoss

 

Share this:

  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Tweet
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) WhatsApp
  • Pocket
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Share on Tumblr

Filed Under: Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, Communication Teams Tagged With: church bulletins, Columnist Gayle Hilligoss, how to listen, Listening Skills

Link to Easter Templates of all sorts

Seasonal Templates

  • OVERVIEW of TEMPLATES for Church Communicators, please read first
  • Valentine’s Day Templates
  • Lenten Templates
  • Easter Templates
  • Mother’s Day Templates
  • Father’s Day and Men’s Ministry Templates
  • Graduation Templates
  • Summer-related Templates
  • 4th of July, Canada Day, and GRACE for All Nations
  • See You At the Pole
  • Harvest Festival and Halloween Templates
  • Christmas Templates

Recent Posts

  • Social media images for Easter with challenging messages
  • From our vault: Everything you need for Easter: Templates, strategy, inspiration and encouragement for all your Easter communications
  • Why just “Come to Easter at Our Church” isn’t enough–FREE invitations with short, but powerful messages
  • ESSENTIAL Christmas Communication advice and free tools to implement it
  • A Free Template of the Christmas Story and short gospel presentation based on “Hark the Herald Angels Sing!”

Most read posts

  • Father's Day Power Point Slides and Videos of inspiring quotes and verses
  • A Prayer for Graduates, Free flyer, bulletin insert
  • The MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do this year—read through the Bible in Chronological order—and I'd like to help you do it
  • Bulletin inserts or social media content for Father's Day; poetry, challenges, encouragements
  • Q&A: How to report church financials in the weekly bulletin
  • Six Steps to Simple filing
  • Church Connection Cards

Misc. Church Communications Templates

  • Church Connection Cards
  • Business/Invitation Card Templates
  • Back to Church for Kids in the Fall Templates
  • Church Bulletin Template
  • Volunteer and Encouragement Templates
  • 2-page Senior Adult Print Newsletter Template
  • Misc. Church Templates
FREE Bible Verses and Sayings in both print and social media format at Bible805Images.com
FREE Bible Verses and Sayings in both print and social media format at Bible805Images.com
  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • BLOG
  • PODCAST
  • FREE PRINT TEMPLATES

Copyright © 2025 · Enterprise Pro Theme On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in